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September 27, 2016

Arizona Spends Money The Right Way

It’s no secret that the world is going through some difficult economic times. This does not exclude the United States of America. As President Barack Obama is working painstakingly to improve the economy and restore the United States to its former self, the problems stemming from the Bush administration are still lingering.

Money is being saved left and right in every way possible. Education budgets are getting cut, infrastructure is getting less money, and numerous other penny saving methods are being incorporated.

The state of Arizona, led by Governor Jan Brewer, has cracked down on illegal immigration in order to make sure jobs go to their citizens. While questionable, Arizona is looking to save all the money they can. However, the Four Corner state is spending money on one very important issue: SQUIRRELS!

Instead of putting the money towards education, healthcare, infrastructure, or some other pointless department, the intellectual juggernauts running the show in Arizona has put aside 1.25 million dollars to save 250 squirrels via building bridges over a mountain road.

I know what you’re thinking, that’s not nearly enough money to put towards the squirrels. But this is the right budget and the plan will work thoroughly. The bridges are the perfect remedy for the squirrel problem.

You know what I’m saying? No? Don’t worry baby birds, I’ll feed you. Anyone who has ever tapped the clicker until it went to the Animal Planet live in Technicolor knows that squirrels use bridges all the time. Brewer, in her colossal intelligence, knows that all squirrels are taught by their mama squirrels how to cross bridges from birth.

Now, some of you may be thinking, “this idea totally scrapes the bowels of sucktitude,” but where else could the money possibly go?

School? So they’re going to buy some books only to have to buy new ones in five years? PASS!

Healthcare? They’re going to invest the money to produce more efficient medicine? Try not getting sick in the first place, it saves TONS of money.

Infrastructure? Child please! Drive faster and all those potholes and cracks in the road will be utterly unnoticeable.

An estimated 100 squirrels will be saved in the next quarter century because of the brilliance of Jan Brewer. Do you want to not build a bridge and risk the lives of dozens, AND DOZENS, of squirrels? That’s too big of a risk. I can’t sleep on that!

For anyone that still has doubts, all I have to say is-GO GOOGLE SQUIRRELS AND LOOK HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE! IMAGINE THAT ON A BRIDGE! AWWWWW!  Cuteness personified!

About Mark Ryabtsev 329 Articles
Mark Ryabtsev is head writer for Obama.net. He stays up to date on all Obama news and brings you the most important issues.

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